For some of us, we dream of our wedding as children. What the perfect dress will look like, the venue, the theme. We take months and even years to plan the dream wedding to make it look as close to perfect as possible, but very rarely do we plan and think about what the first year will look like. Will we move into my place or theirs? Do we have to visit the in-laws every holiday? The first year has been known to be the hardest year of most couple's marriage. This can be for a variety of things depending on age, culture, family. One thing remains true, though, that there is so much focus on the engagement, wedding and honeymoon that the reality of the day to day marital life is the cultural shock that shacks you to the core. Here are some things to expect in your first year of marriage.
Identity shift. You are now a legal, permanent, plus one. A package of two, a pair, the dynamic duo, take your pick. You've gone your entire life single and now your planning for every single thing to be for two, unless your not. Haha. Aside from realizing you sealed the deal on a life mate, your now addressing the change of name. Should I change my last name, hyphen it, drop my name completely? This is something that you might have dabbled in the thought of, but now it's time to make a decision and discuss it with your partner on how they would feel if you decided to keep your last name, or hyphen it. When you fill out legal paperwork it'll settle that your signing Mrs. instead of Ms. or with the name change of taking your partners last name and completely dropping yours, there may be a since of unease before you adjust to your knew identity of husband and wife.
2. Establishing new rhythms and roles as a unit. This topic I feel like I haven't met many couples who discussed this prior to getting married and this is loaded. Your transitioning from your day to day independently to managing your day to day with a partner. So what does this look like for you? Maybe you were ambitious and used to wake up at 5am for a morning workout then start getting ready for work at 6am but now your living with your partner who likes to get up at 6am to shower and get ready for their day and your both adjusting to a new morning routine together. Maybe you used to order out dinner 3 nights a week but your partner would prefer to save money and have you both cook dinner together 3 nights a week. These are just examples of adapting to each others normal routines and lifestyles. Then there's role expectations. Did your husband automatically assume you would be cooking and cleaning the home? What type of household did each of you expect or didn't expect? Your husband may want to you be a homemaker while he eagerly provides for you. Or maybe he doesn't, you both went into the marriage working and that same standard is expected to continue although maybe you would prefer for your husband to provide because that's his duty. Either way, establishing these roles may cause plenty of conversation in the first year as you both adjust to a new lifestyle together.
3. Financial merge and full transparency. Okay, we all know money is an incredibly sensitive topic. It feels very personal to open up your financial life to another person, but this WILL happen once your married. The financial transparency is crucial to discuss and acclimate together what your household budget is, who is covering what bills. Does your partner have any accumulated debts? Let's not forget, that you now have shared debt. Are you willing to merge your bank accounts? Some couples do this very openly, while others prefer to keep their accounts separate and maintain some financial privacy for comfortability or emergency if they know their spouse has poor financial hygiene. This is something you can expect to discuss during that first year of marriage.
4. Family planning. Oh you know it! Both of your parents have been asking since your wedding day when will you get pregnant. If you already have kids, then you've beat'em there. Otherwise, expect everyone you know to say, congratulations! and follow up with, when are you having kids? Expect this to happen, but don't feel pressured, having children when your not ready, can break a relationship real quick, so make sure your have your honeymoon, get that promotion, buy the house and really feel it out with your spouse on when you feel is the right time to start a family.
These are just some things you can anticipate will change in your first year of marriage. Although marriage might feel exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time, it's a wonderful union to choose to make and if you poor into your marriage with love, patience and understanding, you'll have a more joyful lifelong partnership.
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